Friday, January 07, 2005
Prologue
so, just to set the record straight, before people think this is some kind of weirdo matricide/patricide site, i want to lay out my intention: i am 29 years old and i have lost both of parents. i don't mean in an irresponsible, they went away for the weekend and didn't leave a contact address sort of way, i mean that they have both died. my mother died when i was 20, from cancer, and my father died in a car accident just last year, four months before my 28th birthday. and i have dealt with that pretty well, considering, minus a few years of running away to europe and drinking and smoking myself into a stupor and the occasional out-of-the-blue crying jag. and my boyfriend and my friends and family have all been great, very understanding, very patient. but i have always felt awkward and guilty when i talked about my parents' deaths too much, even if i needed to, even if they said they didn't mind. so i wanted to create a place to vent. i know a lot of people, far too many people, my age (and younger) who have lost a parent or two, and i'm sure there are a lot more out there. and i wanted a place where we could all feel safe, to talk as much and as long as we want to without the guilt and the weirdness. oh, and the blog title is there to thin the herd, because a sense of humour is required, i think, for anyone who has dealt with death. i mean, if we can't make dead parent jokes to make everyone feel uncomfortable and mask our own pain, who can? so feel free to join in, or just read ("lurk", as my blog-savvy friends tell me it's called)- i plan to pour out my heart and mind, and you are welcome to do the same. just don't make fun of my typing; sometimes i get caught up in a moment and i am not the best typist to begin with (in fact i just re-typed that sentence five times). besides, if you make fun of me, i might cry, i'm sensitive. my parents are dead, after all, and it's not nice to make fun of orphans....
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3 comments:
whenever i think of maintaining a sense of humor abuot death- which i learned from you btw and have always been hugely indebted to you for that- i think of the time right after your mom died when schmeegan grin stopped you in the pac and made some sort of "your mama" comment and you stopped him cold in his tracks and said bluntly "died 3 weeks ago" and we almost peed in our pants laughing about how flustered he became.
i love the title- i almost peed in my pants when mr. artsy hotpants told me what it was (since you never sent me the promised link cuz yuo wanted to keep me from lurking).
your parents were really freakin' awesome. i think you are like the "best of" collection- you are so much like both of them, but kind of the best parts. though you have your dad's sense of humor sometimes, which while charming, could possibly be construed as corny. yuo definitely have your mom's empathy and capacity for giving.
and for the record, yuo're always welcome to wax poetic, humerous, or self pitying for hours on end with me. i'm always up for talking about the dead, but then again, i guess that's because i've lost someone too. but yeah, no guilt allowed. i mean, hell, i made yuo fly back from england...i owe you many many hours of listening for that one!
i'm proud of you orphannie. so incredibly proud.
Wow. Hun, I am so sorry about losing your parents. Something I understand all too well unfortunately. I lost my father to cancer when i was 20 and then my mother to cancer when I was 26. I am now 34 and still on the emotional rollercoaster. People have trouble relating to me. It is hard to explain, but I have been known to make a joke out of it one minute (like when the electrician said "Can't you get a family member to be there if you have to work that day?" I have been known to say "Sorry I can't do that, all my family is dead" or if someone says "So what did you buy your mother for Mother's Day?" I would answer "umm nothing - not much point really considering she is dead"), and then burst into tears when I see something like a new variety of Rose and automatically think "Oh Dad would love that".
I think they call it emotional scarring or a coping mechanism or something like that. Anyhow, if it is okay, I will drop by sometimes and see how you are doing, and nod appropriately etc.
If ever you need to chat to someone who has some understanding (well I think I do, maybe, well hopefully), drop by my blog (www.bugsys.blogspot.com) or drop me a line.
Hi, passed by your blog... i was intrigued with your title... anyhow, i lost my mom when i was six... she met an accident... and you were right about, how we can easily cope up with anything that may come our way... and i have great respect to orphans... CHEERS...
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