Fickle

as my horoscope for 2007 said would be the case, this year so far has been all about self discovery. being back in school while also working full time has taught me a lot about how i handle stress and how i prioritize, reminding me that school is about the learning, not about the grades. through WW and some serious diet/exercise evaluation, i have started to examine when and why i eat, helping me to start changing my emotional eating habits. for the last few weeks i have been analyzing why i tend to give myself such strict deadlines for life accomplishments, and how i can stop doing this (as it does nothing but make me frustrated, sad or- surprisingly- much less productive). i have also recently discovered that instead of feeling the baby urges that all of my friends said i would the minute that the wedding dress hit moth balls, i am instead feeling the housing urge, and desperately want to own my own home in the next few years; i want a garden and a porch and the ability to control my own heat and paint my damn walls whatever color i want to.

but here, on a much less serious note, i will explore another of my newly discovered traits: i am extremely fickle. not with the important things, like love or friendship or moral/political beliefs, but with the little things, like maintaining a blog, exercising regularly, and hobbies. i am a big stop-and-start-er, always very very into the activity-du-jour. i never thought of myself as fickle before, but it's true. and not such a bad thing really, as long as it never affects the aforementioned "important things", and as long as i can learn to stop beating myself up for my lack of follow through.

so here are some of my latest interests, pursuits and goals. no doubt i will forget or cease most (if not all) of them by the end of the summer, but i'm totally digging them now, nonetheless:

Blueprint Magazine- they have the coolest blog, called bluelines, that gives all sorts of hip crafty things to do with your apartment and office and clothes. i have always wanted to be crafty, and sometimes i have even eked out small amounts of creative project work. but in my new mode of self-discovery, and self-acceptance, i am currently content to read about other people's hip craftiness and make imaginary mental notes about how i too should become a connoisseur of obscure citrus fruits.

Sewing- based on the blueprint obsession (and on the fact that i HATE the newest fashion trends of leggings, blousy maternity-looking tops and waist-less sack dresses), i've been thinking that i should learn to sew my own cute little tops and fifties style sundresses. sure, i've had this same thought for years, but this could just be the summer i make it happen.

Exercising- ah, my old nemesis, working out! this summer i have no excuse not to break my cycle of letting my exercise regime fall all to hell at the beginning of june- my gym is right across the street from my office, i have one hour lunch breaks just aching to be spent on the elliptical machine, and I HAVE AN ELLIPTICAL MACHINE IN MY FRIGGIN' BEDROOM!!! no excuse, even for those days when i say that walking is exercise enough- i can walk as bonus exercise, after i've gotten my big butt some real action for at least 30 minutes.

Writing (blog and otherwise)- i have been meaning to start writing about my mom and dad for about as long as they've been dead. every week or so i'll get the urge to start this project, and then let myself get distracted and forget it. it's got to stop...or, er, to start. it's time i paid the piper (or the paper, as it were...) and started writing all of these memories of mine down. at the very least it will be good therapy (back to the whole self-discovery theme) and at the very most i will write a brilliant and touching account of an unconventional american family that i will then adapt into a brilliant hollywood screenplay in which i will be played by kate winslet and for which i will be nominated for a best adapted screenplay oscar, earning me a seat at the oscars right next to george clooney (who may play my dad).

Gardening (esp. tomatoes and green beans and herbs)- this year i must plan my little back yard plot and get things in the ground before the middle of june. i want fresh vegetables, and i don't want to have to pay for them! subsequently, this will also help with both my exercising goal, my healthier eating goal, and my spending more time digging in the dirt on a sunny day goal (which i didn't bother to write down).

Cooking (with said tomatoes and green beans and herbs)- i want to start having more people over to dinner. maybe it's the winter blah's or being so busy with school and work that i feel like J is the only person i've seen since january started, but i want to reestablish my social butterfly self this summer and have lots of little dinner parties. this will also serve to remind me that i do actually have friends in this city other than J, a fact which i frequently tend to forget.

Learning Spanish, brushing up my French, and sharpening my computer skills (possibly learning some basics of web design)- all of these things will help my chances when i start looking for a librarian job in the not so distant future. plus, they're things i've always wanted to learn.

and now, in my fickle way, i've lost interest in listing things, so i'm going to stop.