bye bye 2005; 2006, pull up a chair

as i sit here in my stupid, meaningless job on new years eve, handing out tickets to people naieve enough to pay twice as much as they would have paid last night for the exact same show just because of the date on the calender (not to mention the ass-raping {i.e. $50 cover charge for $2 paper party favors} they will receive should they try to enter their friendly neighborhood bar this evening), i feel the desire to reflect on the year gone by, and anticipate the year to come.

for the world at large, 2005 was not the greatest of years. that it started with the SECOND innauguration of George "i'm an idiot" W Bush, certainly did not bode well. tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, riots, bombings, and war; the continuing erosion of political systems and freedoms around the globe, the death of a pope, two more conservative supreme court judges, and britney spears was actually allowed to breed.

well, at least Chicago won the world series.

for me personally, it was not such a bad year. i got engaged just before it started, and consequently had 90% of my wedding planned by the end of it's first month. february brought the first child born to one of the "old gang", (and november welcomed the second!). J and i discovered in May that our building had been sold for condos, and found our much beloved (and much more fabulous) current home by the end of June. summer held an engagement party on the east coast, moving, my grandfather's 90th birthday (hope i inherited his longevity!), and more wedding planning. the fall was all about weddings: first one of my closest friend's- the tall and lovely R- in which i was the maid of honor, then J's best friend's, in which he also stood. then came the usual holiday madness, my big 3-0, and the startling realization that my own wedding is now less than 6 months away. this year i returned (briefly, but i'll start again next year, i swear!) to therapy, procured health insurance for both J and myself (it only took me nine years), finally finished paying the government back for those tax years that had 'slipped my mind', went to my first writing conference, conquered my fear of writing fiction, received my first paycheck for singing with my band, discovered that i do indeed remember how to make friends, and began to think seriously about babies and graduate school (though not in that order).

all in all this year was about growing up, which- now that i'm actually doing it- really isnt' as bad as i thought it would be (though in have no plans to ever complete the job). for the world, i hope for better times in 2006; for myself, i know they will come. this next year holds my wedding to a wonderful man who is my best friend, a return (hopefully) to the world of academia, and continued growth and adventure all around. this 'life' thing is pretty fun- bumpy at times, sure, but overall well worth the price of admission.

happy new year to all of you and yours, and may life in 2006 continue to be a wild and wonderful ride.

is this what thirty has in store?

about a week ago, as i was innocently walking to work, along a street i walk down almost every day, passing by windows i see almost every day, in one particular clothing store window i spied the cutest little pajama set you've ever seen- all pinks and purples and fuzzy baby goodness- and i think my uterus actually did a backflip.

BABY URGES STARTING SO SOON!

now this may be as much a 'getting married' thing as a turning thirty thing, but it took me completely by surprise. i know that several of my blog readers have babies and are crazy about them, and i have always been happy for my childbearing friends and their respective offspring, but i never really saw that as the path i wanted to take just yet. i am too selfish, too irresponsible, too often drunk to be a parent. but lately i have been wanting a squeaming, spitting, peeing, pooping bundle of joy of my own. especially around christmas. i love christmas, i always have, but lately i can't help but think how much more amazing it will be when i have kids: J all dressed up as santa, sneaking outside to shake jingle bells and stomp around on the roof; actually buying toys for presents; leaving out cookies and milk; 'babies first christmas' ornaments...

whoa! slow down little ovary! let's get past the wedding first!

i'm such a softie...

this story made me cry- in a good way. i'm such a sucker for pet stories. happy new year everyone, hope we are all so 'lucky' in 2006.
(more on turning 30 in later posts, i swear!)

approaching the new frontier

in three days time i will turn thirty. i will have been on this earth for a full three decades, and i must say that i could not be more excited.

i wondered how i would react to this latest milestone, but really i am thrilled. i feel good about thirty, i sense good things ahead, and most of all i am overjoyed that this decade will be welcomed in with a wedding instead of a funeral.

i enjoyed my twenties. they were full of firsts and adventures and world travel. i graduated college, traveled all over the united states, moved to europe, acted in london, sang jazz in oxford, moved to chicago, 'fell in love'(or so i thought) several times over, and explored and abandoned countless careers. those are all things that i will remember fondly from this era of my life. my twenties were also full of loss and heartbreak and a whole boatload of drama. these are the things i am fully ready to leave behind. i'm ready for some roots, some grounded-ness, some semblance of self-awareness and confidence. i am fine with restricting my traveling to vacations and actually settling in one place for a while. i am more than fine with restricting my romantic drama to sunday night television, and marrying a man who makes me feel loved and happy and safe.

on sunday night my wonderful and amazing husband-to-be threw me a 'surprise' birthday party which was made ten times better by the surprise appearance (the night before) of my dearest little sister, synge. seeing synge (and the surprise birthday video message from sarachkah and vixanne- thanks gals!) reminded me how lucky i am to have such a wonderfully strong foundation of old friends in my life; these friendships give me perspective and history and make me aware of who i am and where i have come from. it was also wonderful to look around the room and see that i have created a new life and home for myself here as well, full of interesting and amazing people who love me enough to come out in the frigid chicago cold to celebrate my birthday.

all in all, i'm feeling good, ready for the serendipity of a new age. and i'm hoping that life in my thirties will continue to please and surprise me.

is this normal?

to all the married ladies (and the singles too, of course, it's just a matter of situational semantics):

did you get ex-boyfriend urges before your wedding?

just last week i changed email servers- as you probably all know since you all got the email about it- and one of the first people to write me back was a certain irish ex of mine who i haven't talked to in about a year. i loved this man, it's true, but that was long ago (six+ years, to be exact), and last time i checked i was totally over him and totally in love with my current betrothed. but after C wrote to me i had a dream about him, and lately he keeps popping into my mind. a few days ago i wrote to him and told him i'm getting married, and he wrote back and told me he's living with some girl named suzanne, and for some reason that made me incredibly jealous. i know it is horrible and selfish to think that he should be languishing somewhere, sick with the thought of me marrying another man (since he is obviously still madly in love with me, the woman of his dreams- duh), but truly, there is a part of me that wants that to be the case. and i'm disappointed that it's not.

maybe this is all because i recently developped a crush on Harry Potter, and this particular ex kind of looks like a grown up Harry Potter (yummmmmmmm). or maybe (more likely really ) i am just experiencing pre-hugest-commitment-of-my-life jitters.

but i do miss C, i really do. and i do wish that he was somewhere pining over me, i really do. there is a part of me that is still pining over him; besides J, he was the next biggest love of my life, and sometimes i wonder where we could have gone together if circumstances (and geography) had been more aligned.

any comments or suggestions? did this happen to any of you?