roller coaster

boy, reading back through my entries, it seems like i am in a bit of a permanant flux- i go from emotional to recovered, to emotional to recovered like some sort of moody rocking horse. i guess i have always been emotionally close to the surface... but thank you all for the support and tales of understanding. really that's all i needed- to know that i am not the only one feeling this way and therefore not some sort of flawed, socially retarded freak. and i am trying to take a step back and see that i do have friends here, i just tend not to call on them as much as i could, guarded little minx that i am, but they are there if i want to make the effort. J and i were discussing it (poor thing, he gets to hear about all of my ever-changing anxieties) and we decided that i am typically more of a one-on-one gal, i am more of a lone wolf than a social butterfly, but the problem lies in the fact that i have always wanted to be a social butterfly, and therefore felt inadequate. actually, i decided that lone wolf was not quite the right term for me, i am not so fierce, i am more like a lone chipmunk ( i gather nuts...for me).