only thirteen months to go!

i must confess, i am beginning to get a little wedding-happy. i know it only springs from too much free time between classes and my upcoming visit to MD to start talking to vendors, but i fear i am becoming somewhat obsessed. and i still have a year to go. yikes.

i was in NYC recently to visit synge, and we went to try on wedding dresses. i have come up with the brilliant money-saving idea that i will buy a bridesmaid's dress for myself instead of a wedding gown because they are cheaper, simpler and more in keeping with the style that i'm looking for (and most of them can be ordered in ivory- suckers!). so we went to vera wang maids, and tried on two absolutley beautiful dresses. but right before we got to VW, i was looking at a dress in a window on madison avenue, and it suddenly hit me that i am actually going to buy MY WEDDING DRESS, and i kind of freaked out for a moment. i have been so caught up in planning the wedding (ie: the party), that i have not really thought about the marriage (ie: the point). this is actually the second time i have gotten chilly feet since the engagement (in december), and i still have a year to go. once again: yikes.

so i am officially admitting that in my return to blogging i am going to start writing about my wedding journey. my everyday friends are already starting to get tired of me talking about wedding stuff, so i will use this as a guilt-free outlet for all of my obsessing and worrying (and, oh yeah, joyous excitement, blah, blah, blah). i feel better already. not to say that i will never talk about anything else, but it is nice to know i have this as an option. there will be discussions of "together forever?!" fears, and "i want my parents" moaning, and "what do you think of ___ as a centerpiece?", as well as the usual general life insecurities, self-pitying and doubts that i have already displayed on this page.

buyer beware, i'm on the bridal path now! read at your own risk....

what not to do

if both of your parents are dead, and you loved them both, and you miss them both very much, and you happen to be planning your wedding to a wonderful man who they never got to meet, oh, and you were just getting close to your dad when he died quite suddenly and unexpectedly, just about the WORST thing you can do is watch the movie "Father of the Bride" with Steve Martin. especially when you have been drinking wine. and it is the first day of your period.

now i am going to drink more wine and cry. a lot. and watch the rest of the movie, because i am a glutton for punishment. for those of you that will be at the wedding, know that this is why i will be crying when the song "the boy i'm gonna marry" (by some 50's girl band- it 's a nice song) comes on. and it will, because (did i mention that i'm a glutton for punishment?) my dad loved that kind of music.

i am sad and pathetic. so sad, so pathetic. but thank god for the indiebride website and all of the other motherless and fatherless brides i found there. they reminded me that at least i am not sad, pathetic and the only one of my kind.

grumble grumble grumble

okay, so i just wrote this nice, clever, funny, light-hearted account of my return to the writing world, and my recent success in the music world, and my day to day battle with living in the moment, and then i went to spell check it and it went away.

dammit.

i am too irritable to write it again. dammit.

i'll write again later.

boo.

promises, promises

after a three month absence, i am planning a comeback to the world of blogging. i have throughly exhausted the merely observational interest potential of the internet and have found myself with nothing left to do but to add my own two cents on this 'life' and 'living' phenomenon. i will be back soon. i promise.