about face aaaaaand forward march...

my grandad died. which is fine, it's what he wanted and he had the ultimate luxury of choosing when he went as well as where and how. it was as peaceful and ideal as a death could be, and, for my own peace of mind, i got to sing to him and say goodbye, which was a luxury as well.

oddly, his passing marks a major power shift, and subsequently makes me feel that much closer to 90. now a new generation- my aunt and uncle- are the "elders", and i am shifted up to the "adult" category. i'm not sure how i feel about that. it's a bit scary, i've got to say. i'm much more peter pan than i thought i was, which is an interesting discovery to make. and for a girl who considers herself an expert, i'm much more scared of death than i thought. i'm going back to see my therapist in a few weeks, after a year's absence, for a tune-up; hopefully that will help me figure out these new feelings before they get too heavy.

forget 'breaking up', growing up is hard to do...but i have now officially resolved to attempt the job, to move forward steadily, if slowly, and try to walk away from past weights and worries. it seems like the right thing to do, and, much like exercising, i'm sure it will feel good afterwards even if it's hard to get started. i even changed the name of this blog. all my life i've hated being labeled "the girl with the big boobs", so why should i then self-apply the label of "the girl with the dead parents"? much like the boobs, the dead parents are just a part of who i am, and i don't think anyone (myself included) needs a big flashing sign to remind them that that part exists.

but this is not a post about death or growing up or moving on. this is actually a post about a dress. this dress to be exact:



i mean, seriously people- who would look good in this dress? it makes the model look fat. only a two year old child should wear this dress. why are all of this season's clothes designed to make women look as huge or pregnant as humanly possible? it needs to stop. speaking of moving forward, i think the fashion industry needs to do so, as soon as possible, and stop recreating the worst parts of the 60's 70's and 80's. bad clothes happened, but we can't dwell on that. move on, fashion designers of the world- if i can do it, you can do it. calm down, wise up, and step away from the flowy caftans and waist-less mini-dresses. immediatly...