Black Wednesday

today is sucky. plain and simple. i woke up in a ragingly bad mood, and then instead of trying to talk myself out of said mood, i decided to pick a fight with my perfectly wonderful husband, who got into a nasty mood himself and proceeded to fail a psychology quiz, for which i feel (rightly so) totally responsible. then i got to work and it was picture day- the day we designated a week ago as the day to take pictures for the department website- and, as has been the norm as of late, i looked like total dog crap. now i can't concentrate. and i feel so bad that j failed his quiz- why he married a moody bitch like me, i'll never know. we're going out to dinner tonight after work to cheer him up, and i know i will just spend the whole time feeling like some abusive spouse who doesn't deserve what she's got. man, i need to learn how to control these mood swings of mine; god only knows how he's going to survive it if i get pregnant someday.

so i redesigned my blog- anybody like it? anybody reading it? maybe i'm just typing for my own enjoyment, and that's fine really. it will get me through the dark months, which have now officially arrived. it's cold here now, wicked cold (to steal the new england-ism), and it's looks like winter is here to stay for a while. sometimes i wish i were a forest animal and could just hibernate, at least for the post-Christmas months. all i want to do lately is lie in bed and eat, which- i gotta tell ya- is doing wonders for my ass. i'm trying to psyche myself back into dieting and exercising, but so far the progress has been minimal. i have cut back on drinking lately, due to the school work and busier schedule, which, by association, reduces the chances of 2am pizza feasting, but i continue to stare blankly at the huge elliptical machine in my bedroom as though i'm not sure what it is or how it got there. the thing is in my room- i clearly have no excuse whatsoever. maybe the threat of summer and an end to bulky sweaters and thigh-disguising pants will motivate me. i need to exercise, cuz god knows i don't have the willpower to go on any truly effective diet, and even if i did, my body never changes through diet alone anyway. its just too damn cold to walk outside, which is my favorite way to get moving. i should go back to yoga.

i'm thinking of quitting my band- they're getting on my nerves, and i feel like it's more of an obligation than a joy these days. though i would really miss singing. maybe i should just start looking for a more interesting and motivated band, one that actually gets gigs and rehearses, and has a pre-established leader with some drive and some management skills. i don't want to be the leader, i just want to sing. yeah, that's a good idea, i should give myself another project to go with work, grad school, marriage and trying to work out more- great idea.

sorry guys- now i'm just whining. bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

i should be reading for class or working on my pathfinder or my association project or one of many other assignments i am supposed to be staying ahead of. but all i really want to do right now is dive into a big bowl of pasta carbonara, a glass (okay, a bottle) of red wine and about a million episodes of Friends.

if summertime rolls, winter time blows.